Learning how to improve self-esteem can help you develop a healthier view of yourself, become more confident and handle everyday challenges more effectively. Low self-esteem can make you focus heavily on your mistakes while overlooking your strengths and achievements. The good news is that self-esteem can improve over time through consistent changes in how you think, behave and relate to yourself and other people.
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Identify Negative Thoughts About Yourself
Start by paying attention to the way you speak to yourself.
You may regularly think that you are not good enough, that you always fail or that other people are better than you. Recognising these thoughts is an important part of changing them.
- Write down negative thoughts
- Notice when they usually occur
- Ask whether the thought is realistic
- Look for evidence that challenges it
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Focus on Your Strengths
Low self-esteem can make you concentrate on weaknesses while ignoring your abilities.
Make a list of things you are good at, including personal qualities, skills, achievements and ways you have helped other people. Review the list regularly and continue adding to it.
- Identify your talents
- Remember past achievements
- Recognise your positive qualities
- Celebrate your progress
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Stop Comparing Yourself With Others
Constantly comparing yourself with friends, colleagues or people on social media can make you feel inadequate.
Remember that you normally see only part of another person’s life. Instead of measuring yourself against other people, compare your current progress with where you were in the past.
- Focus on your own goals
- Limit unhealthy comparisons
- Reduce exposure to content that makes you feel inadequate
- Celebrate your personal progress
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Set Small and Achievable Goals
Setting realistic goals can help you build confidence through experience.
Choose something that is challenging but achievable, complete it and then gradually take on bigger challenges. Each accomplishment can provide evidence that you are capable of learning and improving.
- Start with small goals
- Break larger goals into manageable tasks
- Record your achievements
- Gradually increase the challenge
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Learn to Treat Yourself With Kindness
Think about how you would speak to a close friend who made the same mistake you made.
You would probably offer encouragement rather than harsh criticism. Try to give yourself the same understanding. Being kind to yourself does not mean ignoring mistakes. It means learning from them without constantly attacking yourself.
- Forgive yourself for mistakes
- Avoid harsh self-criticism
- Learn from setbacks
- Use encouraging and realistic language
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Spend Time With Positive People
The people around you can influence how you see yourself.
Try to build relationships with people who respect, encourage and appreciate you. If someone regularly insults, humiliates or discourages you, consider setting healthy boundaries around that relationship.
- Spend time with supportive people
- Talk openly about your feelings
- Avoid unnecessary negative criticism
- Build healthy relationships
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Learn to Say No
People with low self-esteem may feel pressured to please everyone, even when doing so leaves them overwhelmed.
Learning to say no respectfully can help you protect your time, energy and personal boundaries. You do not have to agree to everything simply to gain approval from other people.
- Know your limits
- Say no politely
- Avoid unnecessary guilt
- Respect your own needs
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Take Care of Your Physical Health
Looking after your physical health can also support your emotional wellbeing.
Regular physical activity, adequate sleep and a balanced diet can contribute to better mood and confidence. Choose activities that you enjoy so that healthy habits are easier to maintain.
- Exercise regularly
- Get enough sleep
- Eat balanced meals
- Make time to relax
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Learn a New Skill
Learning something new can give you a sense of progress and achievement.
You could learn a language, improve your computer skills, take up cooking, start exercising or develop a professional skill. The goal is not to become perfect but to prove to yourself that you can learn and grow.
- Choose a useful skill
- Practise consistently
- Accept mistakes during learning
- Recognise improvement
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Do Things You Enjoy
Spending time on meaningful activities can help you reconnect with your interests and abilities.
Whether you enjoy music, reading, sports, cooking, gardening, writing or spending time with friends, make room for activities that give you a sense of enjoyment and achievement.
- Make time for hobbies
- Try activities you previously enjoyed
- Explore new interests
- Notice how activities affect your mood
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Take Care of Your Appearance for Yourself
Taking care of your personal hygiene, clothing and general appearance can help you feel more comfortable and confident.
This does not mean changing yourself to meet other people’s expectations. Focus on looking and feeling your best in ways that make you comfortable.
- Maintain good personal hygiene
- Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable
- Keep a healthy routine
- Take time for personal care
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Challenge Yourself Gradually
Avoiding everything that makes you nervous can reinforce the belief that you are incapable.
Instead, gradually face situations that make you uncomfortable. Start with manageable challenges and build your confidence as you gain experience.
- Try something slightly outside your comfort zone
- Accept that nervousness is normal
- Focus on what you can control
- Learn from each experience
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Keep a Record of Your Achievements
It is easy to forget your successes when you are focusing on what went wrong.
Keep a simple record of things you have accomplished, compliments you have received, problems you have solved and goals you have reached. Reading this record during difficult moments can remind you of your abilities.
- Record daily accomplishments
- Save positive feedback
- Celebrate important milestones
- Review your progress regularly
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Talk to Someone When You Need Support
You do not have to work on low self-esteem alone.
Talking to a trusted friend, family member, counsellor or mental health professional can help you understand negative beliefs and develop healthier ways of thinking. Talking therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy can also be useful for persistent low self-esteem.
If low self-esteem is accompanied by persistent sadness, anxiety, hopelessness or difficulty coping with everyday life, consider seeking professional support.
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Be Patient With Yourself
Improving self-esteem does not happen overnight.
There may be days when you feel confident and other days when old negative thoughts return. A setback does not mean that you have failed. Continue practising healthier ways of thinking and recognise the progress you make over time.
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